The Vocabulary Conundrum
by anotherj
Summary: There is a new resident on the 4th Floor, and with a certain charm and a pleasant smile she acclimates herself into the lives of four nerds and a blonde bombshell.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

She wasn't a physicist. Dressed in a fitted black t-shirt that had the Batman logo across the chest, red & black plaid slacks, and a pair high-top Chuck Taylor's, she was dressed the part of a geek, and the fact that she was reading Is Anyone Out There? The Scientific Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence certainly helped that opinion.

If Sheldon were the type to care about appearances being first impressions then he might appreciate hers. All he could see was that it was Saturday night at 8:15 and this female geek had taken control of all four washing machines available to the building. Considering her lack of appearance before now he couldn't help but wonder if she even lived in this building.

He was standing in the doorway contemplating how he would proceed when the machine she was sitting on buzzed, announcing the end to it's final cycle. The girl closed the book with one hand, pulling the ear buds of her iPod with the other as she gave a little jump off the machine. It was then that she noticed she was no longer alone in the laundry room.

"Oh! Hello. Give me two shakes and you can have this machine."

The girl didn't wait for a reply from Sheldon before turning her attention to her clothes, opening the washer and scooping them all out with big scoop and carrying them haphazardly over to the row of dryers. It was through no small feat that she managed to open the side door by hooking the toe of her foot in the handle, and she tossed the majority of her load into the machine before returning to the washer to scoop out a stray sock and pair of panties. After throwing them in with a few dryer sheets and starting the machine she turned again to face Sheldon who still seemed at a loss at the entrance.

With an eyebrow raised she smiled. "Hello..."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi?"

Sheldon quickly lowered his gaze to the basket in his arms, a slight pink hinting at his cheeks before he hurried over to the now empty washer to start his own cleaning process.

The girl's expression was one of bemusement as she watched him move about the laundry room. He had a specific way of shaking out his clothes before placing them in the washer which she watched for several moments before moving to stand next to him.

"Hank."

Sheldon paused, his hands aloft in mid shake as he turned his gaze to her. "My name is Sheldon. I think you have me confused with someone else."

"No," she replied with a chuckle. "Hank is my name. I just moved into 4C. It's nice to meet you, Sheldon."

The shirt in his hands dropped back into the basket. "What?! What happened to Mrs Giardi?"

"I... Didn't ask." Hank picked up the book and iPod from where she had discarded them and jumped up to sit on the next machine.

"I liked Mrs Giardi. She was quiet, very efficient about her trash routine. And after that initial conversation when I first moved in she never bothered me with awkward small talk."

"I'm sorry?"

"Let me ask you something- Hank, is it?"

She nodded.

"How would you rate your frequency of noise on a scale of one to ten- one being a mainstream rock concert, ten being the audience in a theater during the final courtroom scene of A Time to Kill."

One eyebrow raised. "I..." Sheldon opened his mouth to speak again but Hank quickly raised a finger to hold him off. She appeared to give the question some thought for a moment before speaking again. "6.5."

He nodded. "That's fair. Are you now, or have you ever been a drummer, opera singer, or a member of the musical revue known as Fosse?"

A somewhat bemused grin appeared on the girl's face. "Not in this Universe, but I can't speak for any other 'me's' that may exist."

The first hint of a smile appeared on his face. "Next question. Are you fertile?"

Hank's grin disappeared. "Are you hitting on me?"

"I'm trying to determine whether crying infants from the next wall are a possibility."

She burst out laughing with a shake of her head. "I haven't had sex in four years so unless I'm chosen to carry the next Messiah I don't think you'll have any problems in that regard."

"... How do you feel about Jewish Engineers?"

"While I have no prior experience in that regard, if I had to guess they are probably less boring but more annoying than Jewish Accountants."

"Fair enough. A final question."

"Oh, just one more?" she said in a dry tone.

Sheldon inclined his head slightly. "Was that sarcasm?"

"Was that your question?"

"No," he replied, a slightly confused expression crossing his features.

"What did you want to ask me?"

"How do you feel about furniture placement?"

"Did you want to come up and see if the location of my bookshelves meet your specifications?"

"Why, yes, actually. That would be-" He paused, glancing down before looking back at her. "That was sarcasm, wasn't it?"

She chuckled again. "So how did I do?"

He returned his attention to his laundry, measuring out a very specific amount of detergent as he answered. "I don't want to make any assumptions, but I would say that you're off to an excellent start."

With a smile Hank picked up her book, opening it to the page she had left off at with a full intent to start reading again. With his clothes now secure in the washing machine Sheldon noted the time on his watch and set his alarm before he turned to head back upstairs to 4A.

"Sheldon?"

"Hank?"

"Do I get to quiz you?"

The expression that crossed his features was one of suspicion. "What do you want to know?"

She inclined her head slightly. "PhD?"

"Two," he replied, no small hint of pride in his tone."

"Hmm... Physics or Math?"

"Physics... How did you know that?"

"You're very analytical. Implies a very strong use of the left brain. And your clothing suggests nerd, but you seem less like a slime ball than the traditional 'IT guy'. Would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?"

He shook his head. "I don't do drugs."

Hank laughed aloud. "You're very funny, you know that?"

"Thank you, I do have a wonderful sense of humor and a particular fondness for practical jokes."

She bit her tongue to keep from making a sarcastic remark about his modesty. "Well, would you like to have water sometime, or whatever it is you do drink?"

"I was just about to have a glass of cold milk, 2%, with one of the brownies Penny made."

"Oh. Okay." She couldn't figure out if he was just completely oblivious or completely not interested in her so rather than press the issue she decided to return her attention to her book.

Sheldon turned to leave, stopped at the doorway and thought for a moment before looking back at the girl sitting on the washing machine. "Would you like to accompany me?"

Surprised, Hank looked around the room briefly before deciding that if he was willing to leave his clothes unattended hers would probably be okay. "That'd be great, thank you," she replied with a small hop off the machine to follow him upstairs.

* * *

It wasn't the first time a girl had come to the apartment to see Sheldon. But to Leonard's recollection it was the first time a girl had come without bringing Sheldon a free meal. Looking up from the television Leonard gave his roommate a curious look.

"Leonard," Sheldon began as he made his way across the living room to the kitchen. "This is Hank. Hank, that's Leonard."

The girl stopped to the left of the sofa, looking around the room with a slight awe. While normally she might have responded to the introduction in kind, the words that came out of her mouth were altogether different. "Holy shit. I've just discovered Geek Mecca." Her gaze found Leonard. "Where do I make my obeisance?"

Leonard gave a small chuckle as he leaned forward to offer his hand. "Nice to meet you... Hank?"

She gave a slight shrug as she reached down to give his hand a shake. "Henrietta, but let's not quibble over my parents warped sense of child naming and be thankful I'm not a boy named Sue."

At the two blank stares that came her way she dropped Leonard's hand. "Johnny Cash?" she replied by way of explanation, which did not alter the expressions she faced. "Really?" She shook her head. "Nevermind."

"So, Hank. Where did you come from?"

She moved to sit down in the wooden chair near Leonard, leaning forward as if to discuss something very serious. "Well, you see, when a man and a woman love each other very very much..."

Leonard made a face.

"Sorry, that was too easy. I'm in 4C, recently arrived from Manhattan."

"Really? What brought you to California?"

"An astrophysicist."

As if on cue, the door opened to Howard and Raj, deep in conversation. "You're wrong, Raj- Return of the Jedi was the defining moment in Star Wars history."

"Please. Everyone knows that Empire completely trumps all of the other movies for its dark overtones and the confrontation- meep!"

It was at that point that Raj noticed the female in the room, and Howard, recognizing the sound for what it was, quickly turned his gaze as well.

Leonard, who knew what was coming, covered his face with a hand. Sheldon pulled two glasses from the cupboard, preparing to pour the milk that would go with the brownies had had cut out. Raj was standing still, as if secretly hoping the floor would open up and swallow him whole, while Howard approached Hank like an awkward Jew on the prowl as the only female in the room stood up to face the two newcomers.

"I would have to agree that Empire is the catalyst for the series. The confrontation in the woods as well as the actual fight against Darth Vader in which he loses his hand is clearly Luke's Descent Into Hates™, while the final confrontation between father and son clearly signified the Return of the King™ in the appropriately named Return of the Jedi. The presence of Ewoks lowered its chances as a fan favorite, although I actually like the little teddy bears and consider Jedi my favorite of all 6 movies. Although, aside from the epically awesome fight scene with Yoda in Attack of the Clones, who even counts the 2nd film as a contender?"

During this speech Howard had moved several steps closer to Hank and now placed an arm around her shoulder. "Hello, Future Mrs Wolowitz."

Hank blinked, looking at Howard before turning her gaze to Sheldon. "Jewish Engineer?" she asked as she pointed a finger to Howard.

Sheldon nodded.

Howard grabbed the hand pointed toward him and gave it a kiss. "Enchanté."

With a slightly pained expression Hank managed to slip her hand from Howard's grasp and slouching slightly she removed his arm from her shoulder as she stepped away, moving closer to the kitchen. "Yeah... Hi."

Leonard, who had since uncovered his face during her Star Wars speech, now gestured to the two newcomers in the room. "Howard Wolowitz, Rajesh Koothrappali, meet Hank..." Realizing he hadn't heard her last name he looked to her for guidance, but Hank had already latched onto one name and was making her way to the very nervous Indian standing near the door.

"Dr Koothrappali?"

Raj glanced at his friends then back to the girl standing before him. He nodded.

"Oh wow. This is a small world. I've really been looking forward to meeting you. I'm Hank Ward." Hank offered her hand.

His eyes widened as he took it, shaking it quickly before darting across the room to whisper in Howard's ear.

"This is the author you're meeting?" Howard glanced back over at Hank. "Good book. I particularly enjoyed the sexual content."

The smile that had appeared on Hank's face while greeting Raj quickly disappeared at that comment. "Somehow I figured you would."

Raj leaned over to whisper again.

"How was I supposed to know she was a woman? You said you were meeting a science fiction writer named Hank."

Both Leonard and Sheldon perked up at this comment, with the latter giving Hank a curious look. "You write science fiction?"

Making her way back over to the kitchen to lean against the counter, Hank glanced at the other guys in the room before looking back at Sheldon. "I... don't know if I'd use that term in front of scientists. But according to the masses, yes I am."

Sheldon passed a small plate and glass over to her while picking up a second plate and glass to carry to his spot.

"Raj says that while her understanding of physics within the known universe is limited at best, she is otherwise a fascinating storyteller with the ability to create something for everyone. I must agree. I found the-"

Hank sighed. "Yes Howard," she said, quickly interrupting him. "The sex scene, I got it.

He seemed nonplussed by her annoyance. "I was going to say I liked the slave costumes."

She ignored him, instead bringing up a question that had been bothering her since she introduced herself. "Why doesn't Dr Koothrappali speak for himself?"

Sheldon, who held the brownie mere inches from his lips, picked up that question. "Raj can't speak to you unless he's intoxicated," he said before taking a large bite.

Breaking off a piece of her own brownie, Hank frowned. "Well, that's not very nice."

"Don't take it personally," Leonard replied, jumping back into the conversation. "He can't talk to any woman unless he's had a few drinks."

"Or at least thinks he had a few," Howard added with a sly grin, earning him a slight hit on the arm from Raj.

"Does that mean you plan to be drunk during our meeting on Monday?"

Raj appeared to give it some thought before turning to Hank with a nod.

"Fair enough," she said with a shrug before turning her attention back to the brownie.

At least, she had intended to turn her attention back to the brownie when she heard a distinct voice say "Hank?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"What are your qualifications as a science fiction writer?"

The remaining males in the room gave a collective groan. "You don't have to answer that, Hank," Leonard added.

She took a large swallow of milk, and gave a little shrug as if to say- this isn't the first time I've heard this question. "No, it's okay. I've got a Masters in Anthropology, a Bachelor's in Science with a leaning toward Cosmology, and 20 years of being an avid science fiction fan after watching A New Hope for the first time when I was 5."

"Anthropology?" Sheldon began, whilst Leonard mumbled "Here we go," under his breath.

"Wait." She recognized that tone. Having her own panel at Dragon Con in Atlanta a few months back, she had her fill of geeks and nerds who said quite plainly that they felt social sciences did not qualify as real science. Considering that she was just starting to like the lanky physicist, she was going to cut him off before he said something that made her reconsider her opinion. "I take great pains not to focus on the hard sciences in my stories, as not only am I unqualified to write them, but also because my books are character driven, rather than plot driven. I focus on the social paradigms of the alien cultures I've created, as well as the dynamic between the main characters and the struggle they face as they adjust and conform to their respective cultures." She took a breath. "The story is classified by my editor and the studio that wants to make it into a movie as sci-fi because of it's placement in space, as well as several apocalyptic themes that take precedence within it."

To the amazement of the other three boys in the room Sheldon seemed to accept this argument with little verbal commentary as he carried his now empty dishes back to the kitchen. It led them all to wonder at the writer who could talk her way around Sheldon Cooper, and what could possibly be wrong with him that he would allow her to do so.

* * *

_Well,_ Penny thought ruefully, _at least it wasn't Alicia._

Kneeling on the floor before the elevator was a petite girl, a mop of messy brown curls blocking her face as she leaned forward to scoop up the scattered papers and notebooks that had fallen around her. "Double damn," she mumbled. She was dressed a green Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt, a pair of cut off jeans, and pink flip flops that had a breast cancer awareness ribbon in the center. Penny couldn't help but admire the shoes that were both fashionable and socially aware, even if they didn't go with the rest of the girl's outfit.

Climbing the last few steps to the forth floor landing she quickly bent over to help retrieve the scattered pages of what was obviously a movie script. "Another actress for the building?" she asked in a friendly tone.

"Who me?" Hank asked, looking up with a grateful smile to the blonde who was kneeling beside her. "Not in this universe." She gave what could only be described as a gigglesnort of amusement at having made that joke twice in a three day period.

With the papers collected both girls stood up again and Penny handed her stack over to Hank. "Thanks," the smaller girl said with a smile. "Are you an actress?"

"Oh yes," Penny said with a gesture toward her outfit. "Today I'm playing the part of a Cheescake Factory waitress who's last table consisted of three loud and messy toddlers who's jackass parents don't know how to tip." Her tone, which had become increasingly more annoyed with each word and memory, instantly softened for the next sentence. "I'm sorry, you don't care. I'm Penny."

Shaking her head, Hank adjusted the bulk of her papers into one arm and offered out her right hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm Hank."

She took the hand offered, giving it a quick shake as she gave the girl another once over. "You're... Hank?"

"I'm Hank!" she replied somewhat sheepishly, getting the impression that she might have said something wrong.

"Interesting." She gave a terse smile. "And you met the boys on Saturday night?"

"Ye- Oh! You're PENNY. You made the brownies. Really good, by the way." Hank paused, noting the changes in the blonde's expressions. "I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?"

"No! No... I'm just wondering why my boyfriend wouldn't have mentioned that Hank was a girl."

Hank's face fell. "Oh... You're dating Sheldon?"

It was a good thing Penny wasn't drinking anything at that particular moment or she would have sprayed said drink all over the girl standing in front of her. "No, I'm not... You think Sheldon is datable?"

"Well, yeah."

"Sheldon Cooper?"

"You know, I didn't get his last name, but I think so."

"That Sheldon?" Penny asked, pointing toward the door to 4A.

"Yeah..." Hank glanced at the door and then back to Penny. "Are we doing some sort of bit I don't know about?"

"No.. I..." Penny shook her head. "I'm with Leonard."

"You think Leonard's datable?"

Penny frowned.

"Sorry," Hank quickly amended. "Bad joke." She paused. "Can we start again?" Without waiting for the other girl to respond she gave a small wave. "Hi, I'm Hank- novelist and screenplay writer for _Almost Tomorrow_. I live in 4C and I have a crush on my lanky physicist neighbor."

With a small grin Penny responded. "Penny, a waitress and aspiring actress in 4B, who is currently dating the bespeckled roommate of said lanky physicist. I like your shoes, Hank."

"Thank you, I really like your flower barrette."

"My Penny Blossom? Thanks! I made it myself." Then as an afterthought she mumbled, "Well, I had a little help."

A moment of silence passed between the two females before Hank inclined her head slightly. "Do you consider coffee a drug?"

Penny laughed. "You really did meet Sheldon."

"I was just going to start a pot," she replied, gesturing down the hall toward her apartment. "Would you like some?"

Glancing down at her clothes then back up to Hank she asked, "I need to take a quick shower. Meet you in 15?"

Hank nodded with a smile. "Sounds good."

The two women headed into their respective apartments and Hank couldn't help thinking it would be nice to make a real friend in this town. Penny, on the other hand, was wondering what it was about Sheldon Cooper that obviously appealed to their new neighbor.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

It seemed within a few weeks that Hank had become the indispensable sixth member of their little gang.

The two females of the group had quickly bonded over fashion accessories, an admiration of geeky boys, the undeniable attraction of Mark Harmon on NCIS, and a healthy addition of Kahlua to their coffee after two hours of chatter. For Penny, Hank was like the happy medium she had always looked for. Someone who could relate to her on those things she deemed girlie and normal, as well as someone who wouldn't condemn her for hanging out with the fabulous foursome she had adopted has her own three years ago. To Hank, Penny was the girlfriend she'd never had (at least since the 3rd grade) due to a penchant for frequently choosing to geek out rather than play it cool (even though, as Penny pointed out, Hank could blend in with the masses if she chose to).

Leonard was happy that even one of Penny's (now) friends was willing to hang with them because it gave Wolowitz someone else to hit on and Koothrappali another female to ignore. The fact that she could intellectually debate with him for hours about the whether the Dragonlance series was better than the Lord of the Rings series was an added bonus. She had almost convinced him that the childlike Kender had an up on Hobbits, and he had managed to get her to concede that Gandalf _might_ have one up on Fizban (even if Fizban was both comedic relief and a GOD).

Both Howard and Raj had admitted that while Penny was oftimes painfully beautiful, Hank was probably the most attractive female geek they had ever encountered (in real life, of course). The also couldn't help but admire how well she seemed to put up with Sheldon's idiosyncrasies.

Not that things were always perfect between those two, despite the fact that it was blatantly obvious to everyone who wasn't Sheldon that the tiny writer was completely smitten. Even with her crush, Hank didn't go over to 4A for two days after an argument with Sheldon.

It had started out small. Because she was writing a new book she met with Raj three times a week for help with her research (which mainly involved communication via email, with occasional verbal diatribes from Hank that Raj responded to by scribbling frantically on a whiteboard). On those days she had offered to drive Sheldon into the office (for obvious reasons), and one of them happened to fall on a Wednesday.

Geek that she was, Hank had no problem accompanying Sheldon to the comic book store. The argument had come from the fact that once they entered they both went to completely opposite ends of the store. Sheldon, was of course, a DC fan first and foremost, while Hank had always preferred the Marvel Universe. Her mistake had been in insulting Superman, who had always been the lamest superhero, in her opinion. Then she had the audacity to suggest that Tony Stark made a better billionaire gadget hero than Bruce Wayne, when everyone knew Batman was THE BEST superhero in the history of those who would be called superheroes.

Perhaps it wouldn't have ended so badly if Sheldon hadn't chosen to mock, not only her intelligence but her own skills as a writer while giving his opposing argument. She told him quite simply to go fuck himself and find his own ride home.

It was Leonard who had had to listen to the reasons why it was not only improbable but also quite ridiculous for one to procreate with oneself, as there was obviously no chance in reproduction by that result, not even with a hermaphrodite, who despite having both reproductive parts, could not reproduce, and were usually incapable of reproduction period.

Somehow, Leonard assumed it was thanks to Penny, Hank had decided to forgive Sheldon, and on Friday evening she knocked on their door holding her SNES, several games (including the entire Donkey Kong series), and a serving dish containing raspberry squares that tasted remarkably like Poptarts with a softer crust.

It seemed that Penny had made Hank understand that Sheldon was either incapable or unwilling to admit a fault or apologize (unless prodded by his mother), so she would have to be the bigger person in the situation. Having already become attached to the group, Sheldon and Penny especially, Hank couldn't stay away for long and so swallowed her own pride in favor of Sheldon's. She apologized for leaving him at the Comic Book store and for arguing with him (though she made a point not to admit she was wrong about her arguments). It seemed to be enough for Sheldon, and the two commenced with vintage game night while Penny and Leonard headed out for dinner and a movie.

The scene they returned to could almost be considered intimate, though by no means was it sexual. It seemed that Hank had attempted to get Sheldon to watch _The Boondock Saints_ and they had both fell asleep half way through. Sheldon's head was now resting on Hank's shoulder, while Hank's own head was inclined against his. She had her legs tucked up beneath her with her knees bent toward him, and his right hand now rested on one of those knees.

The first thought that went through Penny's mind when she happened on the scene was She's in my spot.

Penny blinked. She didn't know where that thought had come from and she wasn't sure that she liked it. Still, her eyes hadn't strayed from the pair on the couch, from the hand that seemed (to her eyes) to grip that knee almost possessively... The very hand which touched the corner of her mouth a month ago when Sheldon had fed her chocolate. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that it took her a moment to realize Leonard was talking to her.

"Penny!" he hissed quietly at her. "Do you think Sheldon realizes he has a girlfriend?"

Shaking herself mentally Penny turned back to Leonard with a forced smile. "Do you think Hank realizes how much ground she's gained in becoming his girlfriend tonight?"

Leonard stifled a chuckle. "Should we wake them?"

"Nah, they look so cute. Come on, let's go across the hall and make some noise."

His hand in hers she led him to 4B, all the while wondering if she was going to be able to shake the image of Sheldon's hands sliding up her legs when it would be Leonard's exploring that territory.

* * *

It had been seventeen days, two hours, and twenty three minutes since that Saturday morning Sheldon and Hank woke up on the couch together.

His first coherent thoughts was that it was 6:20 and if he didn't hurry he would miss the beginning of Dr Who. His second was the location that he awoke in, which was not his bedroom. The third was the fact that an obviously female voice was now mumbling sleepy incoherent nothings as a body stirred beside him. As his sleep-fuddled brain processed these thoughts his eyes shot open. He stood up quickly, the action causing Hank to half fall into his spot, although it surely worked to wake her up.

"What time is it?" she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Having no idea how to respond to the situation before him, Sheldon responded with the only thing that made sense to him (though even it was a baffling statement to make). "I'm going to miss Dr Who."

"Am I supposed to know what that means?" She dropped her legs to floor, rotating her neck in a circle and giving a sigh of relief at the cracks that loudly echoed the room, relieving the tension from having laid in one position all night.

He shook his head at her as if to say, yes you should know what that means. "Every Saturday I wake up at 6:15, pour myself a bowl of cereal, add a 1/4 cup of 2% milk, and turn on BBC America to watch Doctor Who." He paused, glancing at his watch. "It is now 6:23."

She stared at him for a moment, not really believing what she heard. Sure, she had three weeks of Sheldon experience to learn that he was not like the other boys, but it never failed to amaze her how deep some of his neurosis ran. She exhaled deeply and stood up. "Go brush your teeth. I'll fix your cereal and you'll get back in time for the opening sequence."

He gave her a look as if her head had just spun around and she had spoke in tongues. "You can't touch my food."

"You've got to be-" she paused, rubbing her face with her hands, half because she was still sleepy, and half out of her own incredulousness. She looked back up at him with a terse smile. "I'll be touching the box, the carton, and the outside of the bowl. I promise not to touch one single kernel. You'll be safe, I promise."

He stared at her suspiciously for a moment as if debating whether she was out to trick him. "Well..."

Hank glanced down at her own wrist, looking at the imaginary watch that said it was a freckle past a hair. "If you don't go now you'll miss the introduction."

Seeming to channel her earlier frustration it was Sheldon's turn to exhale loudly as he placed a hand on his belly. He stood there for a few seconds before saying, "third box from the left" and turning to go to the bathroom.

It took Hank another few seconds to realize he was actually entrusting her with his meal. Once she did she quickly got up and went to the kitchen. With the cereal poured she looked for a measuring cup, making a face at the one she found labeled 'urine cup' and looked for another one. She wasn't going to take a chance at over or under pouring and measurement had never been her strong suit.

By the time that Sheldon came back from the restroom, teeth clean and shiny, the tv was on (announcing that coming up next was another episode of Dr Who), and Hank was pouring exactly 1/4 a cup of milk into his cereal. She quickly handed him the bowl and spoon, a small grin crossing her features.

"Thank you, Hank. You have been most helpful in a situation that could have been quite devastating." He took the offered items and carried it over to the couch, settling in his spot just as the show started.

"Anytime, Sheldon." As she made her way to the door she paused in her step when he spoke.

"You're not staying?"

Hank shook her head. "I haven't been this coherent before 8am since I pulled that all-nighter trying to finish chapter 23." She gave him a wink as she opened the door. "Enjoy your show, Shel. I'll see you later."

When Sheldon thought about it, that was when things first started to change between him and Penny. Actually, that wasn't entirely true. Sheldon remained the same as always, it was Penny who didn't behave as she normally did. And so he decided to ask her about it the next time they were alone.

"Penny?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"I have noticed that you have not been responding to me as you normally do as of late."

She frowned. "Excuse me?"

"There has always been a set of protocols between us. A give and take, if you will. While you are not my match intellectually, you have always been able to hold your own against me in a sparring match of verbal commentary, and yet I have noticed that you seem to decline even trying as of late. Why is that?"

"Oh sweetie, you have a girlfriend for that now- you don't need me." She went back to stirring what he deemed an ungodly amount of sugar into her coffee cup.

"I-" he began, but cut himself off, internally questioning her statement. He could only assume she meant Hank, as she was the only female he spent an unordinate amount of time with lately.

Come to think of it, she was around quite a lot. Three times a week she drove him to and from work. She had gotten so frustrated with Raj's lack of communication skills that he, Sheldon, had taken it upon himself to help her in her research. She participated in Vintage Gaming Fridays and his Saturday laundry ritual. As he looked back he could not think of a time where Hank had declined his company in favor of anyone else, including their small circle of friends.

Aside from the public displays of affection, which Sheldon disdained- and the private displays of affection, which if had no one but Sheldon and Hank would know about- it was obvious how one could come to the conclusion that they were, for all intents purposes, dating.

But even with that thought clearly processed in his analytical mind, he did not understand how that change in status would affect Penny's behavior toward him. After all, she and Leonard had been dating in actuality for almost three times that length of time and it was only recently that she started to change.

And so he said, more simply than Sheldon had ever asked anything, "What does one have to do with the other?"

"You don't need me to flirt with when you've got Hank around."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Are you saying that our previous verbal endeavors have been forms of flirtation?"

"I-" Realizing after the fact what she had said, Penny tried to control the blush that was forming while quickly making her way to the door. "I'm sorry, honey, I'm running late for work- we can talk about this later, okay?"

He barely heard the "Have a good day," as she shut the door behind her. Glancing down at his watch Sheldon realized that Hank would soon be coming to pick him up and he, too, would be late if he did not hurry.

If that hadn't been the case he would have given more thought to her response to his question, but as it was he just didn't have the time to think about it... Now, that is.

* * *

"Hank, are we dating?"

The car came to a screeching halt. Luckily, it was a red light, and the stop was perfectly appropriate, but based on the hand gestures of the portly man in the car behind her Hank knew that it had been expected she would run right through the yellow light that had just changed.

"Babe, if you're trying to get us in an accident that's a sure fire way to do it."

Sheldon frowned. "You assured me you were a licensed driver."

Hank couldn't help but chuckle at that remark. "I take it you've never been to New York." At the shake of his head she continued. "No one drives in Manhattan unless you're a crazy person, and I was there for three years, give or take. Nevertheless, even with that lull in driving history I can still hold my own on the road. But startle even the safest driver and you can cause a wreck, Shel."

"I didn't mean to startle you," he said, almost sheepishly.

"Where is this coming from, anyway?" she asked, switching her foot from the brake to gas pedal as the light changed.

Sheldon turned his gaze to look out the window. "Penny has suggested that you are now my girlfriend."

She smiled. Leave it to Penny to point out something like that. Still, she couldn't help feeling her pulse rate quicken as she posed her next question. "Do you think we're dating?"

He seemed to consider it a moment. "I can see where one might come to that conclusion, but given our private moments together I am not certain that is a correct assumption."

How very Sheldon, Hank couldn't help thinking. "Better question, Babe. Do you want to be dating me?"

"You are neither malodorous nor particularly annoying. You do not impress social demands upon me that make me uncomfortable, nor do you attempt to impress me with what one might call feminine wiles. Though you will never be my intellectual equal you have thus far been able to hold your own in verbal repartee. I do not agree with every opinion you present me, but I have been told couples who agree on everything lack that 'spark' to keep a relationship at a positive state. Based on the facts at hand I find it amenable that we consider ourselves, in all respects, a couple."

Though she appreciated the analytical process which brought him to (in her opinion) a positive conclusion, she couldn't help pointing out, "A simple yes or no would have sufficed."

Sheldon turned his glance to her, prepared to respond when he noticed she was smiling. If he had to guess, he would say that she was teasing, and assuming her statement was rhetorical he decided not to respond directly to it.

Instead, he took a gander at what he had viewed was acceptable social protocol for these situations. "Would you like for me to hold your hand?"

Hank chuckled. "Not while I'm driving, Babe."

Sheldon nodded, glad for more than one reason that she had declined his offer. "I had not considered that," he remarked quietly as he turned his attention back to the road.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Thanksgiving was almost upon them. Penny was planning a nice little get together at 4A and after two weeks of organization she was starting to realize if she wanted to have everything prepared by Thursday afternoon she was going to need help.

Hank was not looking forward to Thanksgiving. For her parents it was a holiday that they often chose to leave the country for- in favor of some exotic location, or snazzy ski trip. When she was younger she was usually left with her uncle's family in Florida, and when she reached an age where they actually thought to include her on their little vacations she usually declined. Eamon and Lydia Ward tended to act like they were on a second (or third, or thirty-third) honeymoon every time they left the country together, and Hank often felt like a third wheel.

So no, Hank wasn't looking forward to Thanksgiving, and why should she. It was just another day to her. At least it was until Penny knocked on her door early Wednesday afternoon.

At first she didn't hear the knock. After all, this was one of the few times during the week she could get away with listening to her stereo at full blast and know it wouldn't disturb her neighbors. She was singing along to Sublime's _Bad Fish_ and was quite content to do so until she heard a shout.

"HENRIETTA LOUISE WARD, YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

Picking up the remote she turned down the volume and quickly bounced across the room to answer the door. "Why, Penelope May Kessler, as I live and breathe."

Penny inclined her head. "Was that really necessary?"

"Hey, you middle name me, I middle name you."

The blonde chuckled. "I need your help."

Opening the door wider, Hank made a sweeping motion with her hand, and Penny stepped inside the apartment. She hadn't been into 4C since that first day they met, and Hank had mostly been living out of boxes at that time. There were a number of book shelves, a fairly decent collection of DVDs on one of them, and most of them were additionally lined with toys ranging from a graduation owl Beanie Babie to a Darth Vader action figure in combat with a female Jedi that Penny didn't recognize. There was a decent number of superhero posters on the wall that she knew the boys would envy, in addition to several collages of what the blonde could only describe as "geek memorabilia" that Hank must have made herself. The wall nearest to the door had a large picture of the Milky Way Galaxy, and next to her computers were a cork board and white board on either side. There was an L shaped desk for her desktop pc, with two flat screen monitors adjacent to one another, while an open laptop sat on the far end. The desk was currently a clutter of yellow papers, composition books and post it notes.

All in all the place reminded Penny of 4A, with perhaps a little more chaos involved. "Have the boys seen this?" she asked, gesturing about the living room.

"Maybe if I weren't afraid Howard might try to kidnap me. It's bad enough he keeps greeting me as the Future Mrs Wolowitz (ha!). If he knew I frequently kept pictures of scantily clad elf-like females on my walls he'd probably never leave me alone."

Penny nodded in understanding.

"Speaking of-" Hank paused to go over to her desk, reaching over to a page tacked to the cork board and pulled it down. Returning to face Penny she held it up to the blonde for inspection. It was a drawing of a blonde woman wearing a high ponytail and clad in an outfit that could only be described as several scarves tied together to cover the most private bits of her anatomy. Granted, a bikini covered even less, but it was safe to say that this outfit left very little to the imagination. "How would you feel about wearing this?"

An incredulous look crossed Penny's features. "Sorry, Hank. You're not my type."

"No!" Hank couldn't help but laugh, and it took her a moment to collect her thoughts. "I should've started at the beginning. Monday I meet with the casting director so that she can review my personal choices for actors. Then the studio is going to make a few calls, do whatever networking thing studios do, and finally they'll start the auditioning process. All I can do is get your foot in the door. You have to get the part on your own."

Penny's face had paled. "Are you saying-"

Hank bit her lip. "It's not huge, okay? She's got about 27 lines (provided they didn't cut anymore) and spends most of her time on screen in scantily clad outfits like this one. But I could see her looking like you, and if you're interested I can get you an audition."

"A. Real. Audition."

"No, a fake one." Hank shook her head. "Does that mean you're interested?"

She had to assume that the enveloping hug the blonde gave her was a definite yes. "Oh my God, Hank. You are incredible!"

Hank couldn't help smiling, but she swiftly extracted herself from Penny's embrace to drive her point home. "No I'm not. And I want to be clear from the get go that all I am doing is telling the casting director that I want you to audition for this role. I can't make them give it to you, and I don't want you to hate me if they choose someone else. Obviously I'm going to be rooting for you the whole time, but all I can do is cheer from the sidelines. Everything else is on you."

"Incredible. I promise that the audition is enough and I will not hold it against you if your casting director turns out to be an idiot."

With a grin Hank wrapped an arm around Penny's shoulders. "And she really will be if she doesn't pick you. I'll be sure to get you a copy of her big speech for your audition. It won't be for a few weeks so you'll have plenty of time to practice."

"Thanks again, Hank, really," Penny said, beaming with genuine pleasure over what she considered was an incredible gift.

She shook her head. "I wouldn't have even suggested it if I didn't think you'd be good for the part. Now then, you said you needed my help with something?"

Penny slapped her forehead lightly. "I completely forgot! Yes- Thanksgiving! I'm feeding the boys tomorrow and I may have overestimated my capabilities in the kitchen. Will you help?"

Spend the holiday with a group of people who had, in the span of two months, quickly become her little California family? "Absolutely. And I know what my first contribution will be." She walked over to her fridge and opened it, revealing a hearty collection of unopened wine bottles and retrieving one of them. "My Uncle Pat always said it wasn't Thanksgiving without a good bottle of wine and a nice, healthy buzz."

"Your Uncle Pat sounds like a man after my own heart," Penny replied, linking arms with Hank as they head over to 4A to evaluate the situation and decide what to tackle first.

* * *

Wednesday night was Halo Night. Hank confessed that while she had an ever-growing collection of video games she had absolutely no talent whatsoever with first-person shooters, so she and Penny focused their attention on Thursday's meal while the boys played.

The two females had both agreed that they wouldn't mention Penny's audition to the boys until they knew whether she got the part. This way, if (when, said Penny) she got it it would be a happy surprise for everyone.

The meal, which had been reviewed twice by Sheldon, would be the quintessential Thanksgiving feast, just like Mrs Cooper used to make. Well, almost. Both Penny and Hank had pinkie swore not to Sheldon that the secret ingredient in the gravy was beer.

It was probably unnecessary to crack open that second bottle of wine, particularly since only Penny and Hank were drinking (all the boys declined in order to put their "game faces" on, and Sheldon wouldn't have said yes, anyway), but they had settled into a comfortable state of inebriation and giddiness over planning that when Penny finished off the last of the first bottle Hank bounced right over to 4C to pick up a second.

The little skip step was probably not the best choice. Because it was a loading screen, Hank felt no qualms about passing in front of the television. Not noticing that one of her laces was untied, she skipped right onto the loose string and started to fall, face first, to the hardwood floor. With a talent only an experienced lush could possess, she managed to turn her body in such a way that she landed half on her hip and half on her butt almost directly in front of Raj, the wine bottle hugged protectively to her chest.

For about five seconds the room grew silent. It seemed that even the Halo loading screen was in awe of Hank's fall. And that silence was quickly broken by Penny's laughter, which Hank easily joined in on.

Leonard and Howard cracked a smile, Sheldon seemed more concerned that the game was being interrupted than anything else, and Raj stared wide-eyed at the girl on the floor.

"What's a matter, Raj-Podge? Nothing to say to the girl who falls at your feet?"

His answer was a weak smile as he offered a hand to help her up.

She smiled ruefully and took his hand, holding the wine bottle with the other as she pulled herself back to her feet. "Sorry boys," she said, backing away toward the kitchen with a mock salute. "You can commence with the mutual slaughter, now."

Before Leonard could unpause the game, Howard gestured to him and moved around the coffee table toward Hank. "Madame, if your posterior is in need of a gentle hand-"

"Wolowitz?"

"Hmm?" Howard turned to glance at the lanky man who had called his name.

"No," Sheldon said, with an air of finality.

Everyone (but Hank, who was now beaming) in the room turned to give Sheldon a look that clearly said "wtf?" but even as he gave his version the Jewish Engineer slinked meekly back to his chair near the door.

There was a brief moment of silence until Leonard started the game again, realizing that they weren't going to get anything more out of Sheldon. Meanwhile, Penny turned her "wtf" look over to Hank who beamed right back.

"More wine?" the brunette asked as she uncorked the bottle.

"You know Raj," Howard said from across the room. "More women might fall at your feet if actually spoke to them. Pass out from the shock, you know."

Raj replied with a rude hand gesture in Howard's direction.

Smirking, Leonard asked, "Do you need help with the translation there, Wolowitz?"

Making a face Howard replied with a, "Thanks, but I'm fluent in jackass."

"Oh my God, cookies!"

The room did a collective head-turn in Penny's direction.

"Okay, how did that make you think of cookies?" Leonard asked an eyebrow raised.

At that Hank gasped, realizing what Penny meant. "Yes! We'll never get everything done in time if we don't make them tonight!"

Both females immediately gulped down the contents in their wine glasses and headed for the door, chattering with each other about the different types of dough and colored icing the needed to buy.

"Why do you need cookies?" Howard asked. "Aren't you making pumpkin pie?"

"Yes," answered Hank, "But I hate pumpkin pie. Plus, the cookies will have a theme." She gave him a gamine grin as the two girls disappeared out the door.

The four remaining exchanged glances.

"Should they be driving in their condition?" Raj asked after a moment.

"Ah, damnit." Leonard put down his remote and headed out the door after them, pausing only to retrieve his keys from the bowl.

The remaining boys were quiet for another moment until Sheldon looked up, having obviously been in deep thought, and posed a new question.

"Who doesn't like pumpkin pie?"

* * *

**8:00am**

Knock, knock, knock.

**8:01am**

Knock, knock, knock.

**8:02am**

Knock, knock, knock. "PENNY!" A groan. "PENNY KESSLER, WAKE YOUR HAPPY ASS UP!"

**8:03am**

A sigh. "Fuck this, I'm going back to bed."

The sound of a door opening. "Good morning, Hank."

"Good night, Sheldon."

**8:25am**

Leonard entered the kitchen in his bathrobe, the crooked glasses and extreme bedhead made it obvious that he had woken up, thought coffee, and acted on instinct. He poured himself a cup and was just stirring in a small helping of milk when he started to become more coherent. Glancing around the room, he turned his attention to Sheldon, who was typing away at his desk.

"Weren't Penny and Hank going to be here at 8?"

Sheldon didn't even pause in his work to answer the question. "I believe Penny has reinforced her 'karate-chop-to-the-throat-if-you-knock-before-11' rule, and Hank has gone back to bed."

"Huh," Leonard replied. Though silently he couldn't help wondering when they were going to get to eat that evening.

**9:04am**

"HANK!" Knock, knock, knock. "Ooh, that's loud, mm. HANK, WE OVERSLEPT- GET UP!"

The door opened and the tiny brunette inside the apartment glared at the blonde standing outside her door. "Correction. I was up on time. YOU didn't answer your door."

Penny winced. "We don't have time to argue trifles."

"You're right," Hank replied, reaching over to grab her purse from the hook by the door and stepping out of the apartment. "We can argue in the car. Come on."

"Wait, where are we going?"

"To Denny's. It's the only place open this early that's going to serve me a bacon cheeseburger and chili-cheese fries. I don't know about you, but I'm sorely in need of hangover food."

Penny was willing to admit she could use a hangover cure. Perhaps the midnight margaritas hadn't been their smartest decision, especially when they had promised to be up so early. But the thought of food made her stomach turn a little, and she told Hank as much.

"Trust me," the other girl replied as the headed down the stairs.

**10:17am**

The two girls who climbed up the stairs were much more fresh, alert, and ready to face the daunting task of Thanksgiving dinner.

"That's amazing, is that some sort of family secret or something?"

"What's that?" Hank asked as she knocked on the door to 4A.

"Where did you learn to cure hangovers with greasy fried food?" Penny asked.

"Lorelai Gilmore™," she replied in a voice that stated she clearly thought Penny knew the answer.

**11:30am**

Despite the slight delay in getting started, everything seemed to be going according to plan. Penny was elbow deep in turkey, and Hank was mixing ingredients for the gravy. Sheldon had seated himself comfortably to enjoy the parade, seated with a laptop so that he could both continue work, and provide his own commentary on the parade to one of the many message boards that he was a member of, while Leonard was currently in the shower.

The doors to 4A, 4B, and 4C were open as the girls were taking advantage of having three ovens at their disposal, and though they spent most of their time in the boys' apartment, they wanted to keep an open ear and nose to the cooking that was occurring in the other two residences.

The scene was pretty homey, all things considered, and as Sheldon spared a glance for the two girls working in the kitchen he couldn't help but smile. It was at that moment that Penny happened to glance his way as well, and she smiled back, noting that his expression made him seem softer, more approachable. She vaguely wondered if that had something to do with Hank, and she paused in her stuffing to wonder why that thought would make her feel a little uneasy.

Caught up as she was, distracted from her work, she was the first to notice two gentlemen standing in the doorway. One was tall, with reddish blonde hair and a body that looked like it belonged on a movie star or underwear model, even covered by the dark blue suit he was wearing. His companion a shorter (though not, Penny noted, "Leonard" short), with cropped dark brown hair, and a familiarity in his features. She noticed that as both gazes found Hank they smiled. She wondered how her companion knew these two men.

"That better be my dad's gravy recipe you're playing with, Ms Ward."

Recognizing the brunette's voice, Hank looked up with surprised joy. "Noll! What are you doing here?!" She quickly brushed her hands off with a towel and ran across the room into his arms.

"As if I could come all the way out to California without stopping to visit my favorite cousin," Noll said as he hugged her, while Penny and Sheldon both watched with curious (and slightly disinterested in Sheldon's case) glances.

"What he means to say is that he'll use any excuse to fly a private jet, even if it means we leave the hotel 4 hours before dinner," the redhead added.

"Oh shush, you're just mad that the pilot wouldn't let you sit in the captain's seat."

Hank grinned up at him from Noll's arms. "Hi Charlie."

"Hello, Midget," he replied, holding his arms as she moved over to hug him. "Are you shrinking? You look smaller since I last saw you."

"That's highly unlikely, unless he only saw Hank in the early hours of the day when the cartilage of the spine is expanded. But even then, it would not justify his comment on her appearance now as it is still relatively early."

Penny smiled, stifling a chuckle at Sheldon's response while the two newcomers gave him varying incredulous looks. Hank backed out of Charlie's arms to look over her friends, both old and new.

"So," Noll began, breaking the silence caused by Sheldon's remark. "Your mom said 4C."

"I am, but we're having Thanksgiving with the boys, and 4A seems to be the regular hot spot on this floor for gatherings."

"So I guess we won't be rescuing you from loneliness to come to dinner with us, then?"

Hank smiled. "Not quite. Come in, meet everyone! Well," she conceded. "Almost everyone."

It was convenient that Leonard came out at that particular moment, though the presence of two relatively attractive men in his apartment caused him to back up a little bit and regard the situation with his traditional nervousness.

"Guys," she began, turning to address the room and holding her arms up in a way similar to Vanna White advertising a puzzle. "This is Noll, my favorite cousin." She gave him a wink before continuing. "And this is his boyfriend, Charlie."

Leonard, realizing he had nothing to fear from a gay couple, looked visibly relieved and came further into the room to be a part of the introductions.

"Charlie, Noll, this is Leonard. He's actually one of Maggie's professors." To Leonard she added, "Maggie Tanner is one of your grad students, she's engaged to Charlie's brother."

"Oh, hello," Leonard said with a nod of recognition.

"I like her," Sheldon interjected, surprising his roommate. "Quiet, thorough. Doesn't ask a lot of stupid questions. Smarter than Leonard."

He made a face. "Oh, how would you know?"

"Easy. She asked me for advice on her thesis."

"Why would she ask you if she's my grad student?"

"Because she knows how smart you are."

Through out the conversation Penny had washed her hands free of turkey and now walked over to stand by Hank, glancing over her shoulder to give both of the boys a look before smiling at Noll and Charlie.

"This is Penny," Hank said with a smile as the blonde shook their hands.

"Pleased to meet you," Penny replied.

"She lives across the hall and is Leonard's girlfriend," Hank added.

Her cousin exchanged a look with his boyfriend that clearly said _Really?_

Before they could vocalize their question Hank turned to gesture toward Sheldon, who had not moved from his spot. "And that's my- uh..." she trailed off, realizing that while they had agreed to be a couple they had not yet told their friends about the change in status. Whether subconsciously or not, she was not unsure of how to proceed.

"Her boyfriend. Sheldon. Hello." He gave a wave that was as short and cryptic as his words.

Leonard glanced at Penny, catching her eye. _Did he just say boyfriend?_ he mouthed to her.

Penny shrugged and turned back to their guests. "Would you boys like to stay for dinner?"

Noll shook his head. "We really just stopped by to make sure the Midget here was acclimating herself to Pasadena, where the nice girls live. We've got to pick up this one's parent's in a few hours so we can go celebrate with the bride and groom to be." He nudged Charlie.

"Oh yes. Show us your place before we leave so we can assure your mother that our dirty homo genes have not rubbed off on you, and you're not living in sin with some buxom blonde in a bikini who's just sleeping with you for your money." He winked at Penny as they turned to exit the apartment.

"It was nice to meet you all," Noll added as they left, Hank following behind.

"You too," Penny called after them.

"Bye," Leonard said, moving over to stand next to Penny.

A moment passed.

"Bye," Sheldon said as an afterthought.

**12:02pm**

"Well, the stuffing is done," Hank said, carrying a platter as she returned to the apartment. "I figured you would want this now." She carried it over to Penny, who had returned her attention to the turkey.

"I did, thank you," Penny replied with a smile.

Leonard was now watching the rest of the parade with Sheldon, and for a moment the sounds of the tv were the only ones in the apartment.

"Penny?"

"Yes, Hank?"

"Do you just want me for my money?"

"Of course not!" Penny replied. "I'm after your fashionable accessories and your DVD collection. Not to mention your hot bod."

If the girls had thought the males in the room were not paying attention to their conversation, they could be sure they were wrong with the two looks that came their way after that statement.

**4:28pm**

T-Minus 32 minutes until dinner. The girls were happy because they were making really good time, and the food would be ready by the time Raj and Howard arrived at 5. The Wolowitz family dinner started at 3, so they had planned to eat as little as possible and slip out at about 4:30 to have dinner with everyone else at 4A.

Penny was starting to get excited. This was the first dinner she would be hosting, and even though she had help, she couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment at the meal they had created.

Not even the ringing phone could deter her chipper attitude. She was smiling as she said, "If that's Wolowitz, tell him I don't care how pushy his mother is- we're eating at 5 and that's that."

Leonard smiled at her while Sheldon reached over to answer the phone. "Hello, mother, Happy Thanksgiving to you, too."

He stood, moving to pace behind the couch as he spoke. "Yes, I know. We haven't eaten yet so-" He paused, rolling his eyes at her response.

Hank walked back into the apartment, having been across the hall in Penny's kitchen. "Remind me to go back over there and check on the cornbread in 20 minutes, would you?" She said the Penny as she moved back into the kitchen to start cleaning up some of their mess.

"No, Mom." A beat. "She's dating Leonard."

Leonard shifted his weight on the couch to look back at Sheldon, who looked thoroughly annoyed at the conversation.

"I'll be sure to tell him- No. I-" He sighed. "Hold on." Walking around the couch, Sheldon moved over to Hank and passed her the phone. "It's for you."

Hank raised an eyebrow as she raised the phone to her ear. "Hello? No, ma'am." She shook her head at Sheldon as she listened to the voice on the phone. "Well, we just started dating recently." She bit her lip to keep from laughing. "I am a real girl, yes."

The voice on the phone got louder, and from her position Penny could hear words that sounded like "Thank you" and "Jesus".

"Hank." This time she didn't even bother to keep from laughing. "Yes, ma'am, I'm sure that all my parts are distinctly female. It's short for Henrietta." She smiled. "Yes, ma'am." A beat. "It was nice to talk with you too, Mrs Cooper. Happy Thanksgiving." She passed the phone back to Sheldon.

He took the phone, barely getting it to his ear before his mom was questioning him. "Yes, she does sound like a very nice girl."

Hank glanced back over at Penny and the two shared a grin.

"I doubt very seriously that she'll stop calling herself that just because I ask her nicely." Covering the mouthpiece with one hand, he glanced back at Hank. "Would you consider giving up your atrociously masculine nickname?"

An eyebrow raised. "No... But thank you for asking."

"Sorry, Mom. She likes her name just fine." There was a pause, and then he opened his mouth to speak, closed his mouth, opened it again, hesitated and sighed. "I've got to go, we're about to eat." A beat. "I love you too."

After he hung up the phone Hank stepped over to him, and standing on her tiptoes she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

He appeared to consider her action for a moment, then turned to give her an awkward smile.

"Don't worry, Babe," she said with a chuckle. "You don't have to try so hard."

Leonard glanced at his watch. "Sheldon, we don't eat for at least another twenty minutes."

"I know."

"Are you saying you lied to your mother?"

"If your mother was saying to you what my mother was saying to me you would lie too."

**6:12pm**

It was epic.

Okay, so it wasn't really, but to Penny and Hank, it was definitely a highlight of 2009... Or at least November.

There was the turkey, of course. Stuffing, courtesy of Grandma Kessler's recipe. Patrick Ward's "special" gravy recipe, thoroughly laced with Guinness. Cranberry sauce and slices, in an effort to please everyone at the table. Mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and corn on the cob for vegetables. Both rolls and cornbread (Hank's insistence), and for dessert pumpkin pie and an assortment of cookies.

Hank personally felt the cookies were the crowning glory to the meal. There was a three dozen- a healthy mixture of oatmeal, sugar and chocolate chip. All flavors were decorated with icing and arranged into fun shapes. She went around a presented each person with one of the shapes specifically designed with them in mind. For Raj, there was a crescent moon cookie, with chocolate chips to emphasize the mountains and craters. Howard got a sugar cookie that was rectangular shaped and looked like an old school Nintendo controller. For Leonard and Sheldon each got an atom cookie (though it was used with a "flower" cookie cutter)- Sugar for Leonard, and Oatmeal for Sheldon. Penny got a heart shaped chocolate chip cookie while Hank set on her own plate what looked like a high-top sneaker, and would have probably been an example of her Chuck Taylors had she and Penny not been thoroughly smashed by the time they got around to decorating it the night before.

Because wine had been served with dinner everyone (save Sheldon) was feeling quite buzzed and comfortable. Raj looked down at the dessert set before him then back at Hank.

"I am so stuffed," he said. "I couldn't possibly eat another bite.

She looked at him sternly, her expression clearly saying You'll eat the damn cookie and you'll love it.

Looking quite cowed, Raj gave a small grin and picked up the treat. "Thank you for my cookie, Hank." He took a large bite.

"Wait, wait!" Howard interrupted.

The Indian, with his mouth full, turned and gave Howard a look that stated What the fuck, Dude.

"A toast."

"Here, here," Leonard added, raising his own half filled glass at the statement.

Everyone paused and looked at Sheldon.

He seemed to take every glance under consideration, his eyes locking with Penny's for a brief moment before he sighed. "Oh, very well," he said, picking up his own glass- the only one still full.

Hank and Penny exchanged glances of their own, their eyes exchanging a secret dialogue of how his amiability to drinking was probably due to a slight buzz from the amount of gravy he had on his meal.

Everyone held up their glass toward the center of the coffee table.

Howard spoke. "To Penny, the loveliest woman on the west coast."

"Howard!" Leonard scolded.

"To the two women who took time to feed this poor starving Indian. It was delicious."

The girls smiled at Raj before Hank added her own commentary. "To Penny, who gave me the best Thanksgiving ever."

"Aww, sweetie!" Penny leaned over to hug her friend.

"Hear, hear!" Howard said.

Sheldon, in his typical fashion, decided to get in the last word. "To Chuck Berry."

"Chuck Berry?" Leonard asked.

"His musicality borders on a genius which even I can appreciate. Who can forget the sexually suggestive hit called "My Ding-a-Ling", the prevalent wonder that is his hit "Rock and Roll Music", which has been covered by many well known artists over the past six decades. And of course, we can all appreciate Marty McFly in his rousing rendition of "Johnny B Goode". It's really no wonder that a man who still performs on stage at his age has made it into the Rock 'n' Roll hall of fame."

They all exchanged glances, before giving a unanimous shrug. "To Chuck Berry," they echoed, and everyone clinked their glasses together.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"Why are we here?"

Leonard glanced at Sheldon, who looked as though he was on the verge of having a panic attack. His efforts to keep from being touched by the other customers in the store had wound him up so tight, so stiff, that he could have passed for one of the store mannequins. He stifled a laugh at the memory of one small girl who had remarked on how real Sheldon had looked, until he had turned and spoke to her, causing the girl to scream and run frantically back to her mother.

Turning his attention back to the question poised, Leonard responded. "Hank said something about needing a dress for tomorrow night. Penny said it was a tradition to shop on Black Friday. You made the mistake of asking them to pick up something for you and I was stupid enough to suggest I would drive."

They were standing outside the fitting rooms for the women's dress department at JC Penny's. Penny, of course, had liked the idea of shopping at a store with her name in the title, and Hank preferred the department store prices to the designer boutiques lining the rest of the mall. Sheldon was clutching a George Foreman Grill protectively to his chest while Leonard played idly with the hangers lining the dressing room rack, trying not to blush whenever he accidentally touched something that could pass for women's underwear.

As they waited for the girl's to come out and model the wares they had picked out, Leonard could see his friend needed a distraction. "Sheldon," he began. "How did you come to the conclusion to date Hank?"

Sheldon made a face. "I don't really see where that's any of your business."

"Enlighten me."

The retort actually served to loosen the tension in Sheldon's shoulders a bit, and he took a step closer to his smaller friend, inclining his head slightly. "A query for you first. I never inquired as to why you've wanted to date Penny, despite nearly three years of pining since she moved in across the hall. If you can provide five valid reasons as to why you're involved with Ms Kessler, I will return the inquiry about Ms Ward."

The challenge to Leonard aback. He didn't want to say that more and more he was starting to feel dating Penny had been a mistake. It wasn't just pride, it was the fact that he would be confessing that Sheldon has been right all along about their relationship. There was very little chemistry or compatibility between them, but he had worked for so long for them to actually be together that his ego wouldn't allow him to admit to anyone, even himself, that it had been the wrong outcome.

"Well, she's beautiful."

There was such a long pause that Sheldon spoke again. "That's one, Leonard."

"I'm thinking!"

Sheldon wasn't prone to violence, but Leonard's one and only response to his query, and such a shallow one at that, made him want to 'karate chop him in the throat' as Penny would say. "How about the fact that she genuinely takes an interest in what you like, and doesn't belittle your own feelings about the subject if it's something she doesn't enjoy?"

"Well..."

"She's nice to your friends, even Wolowitz, who crosses the line of social decorum at least once a day."

"True..."

"You can tell when she's pleased about something, especially something that is normally beyond her realm of intelligence, because her voice rises an octave above normal range and she does this sort of... squeeing thing."

"Plus, she's a really good kisser." Leonard paused, taking in the last comment Sheldon had made. "Wait, I thought you didn't like Penny's vocal range."

"We're not talking about what I like, we're talking about what you like- and you couldn't even come up with five things about your girlfriend on your own." Sheldon shook his head.

Feeling put out, Leonard attempted to get back at him. "Well, name five things about your girlfriend, then, if you're so good at this."

Sheldon scowled, unimpressed with Leonard's challenge. "She's funny at times, and appreciates my practical jokes." He held up a finger, continuing to add another digit with each point he made. "She has a chameleon-like way of fitting into just about any situation while still being true to herself." Two. "Her cooking skills are more than acceptable, and she goes out of her way to understand my tastes." Three. He didn't add that Penny did this too, as he was making his point about Hank at the moment. "Despite her lack of scientific understanding, she uses what knowledge she does possess in a creative and forthright manner- and her trenchant observations of those around her are generally both amusing and sound." Four. "Her accent is at just the right pitch to be pleasant on the ears." His entire hand was now raised. "And not once did I mention her looks or sexual prowess." He wiggled his fingers at Leonard before lowering his hand.

"Are you saying she's not a good kisser?"

"I wouldn't know, we haven't progressed to that step in our relationship."

"What?!" Penny asked from her changing room stall, in response to a similar statement made by Hank.

"Well," Hank replied as she pulled a shirt over her head. "We did hold hands once."

Penny, who was likewise in a similar state of undress, rolled her eyes. "What are you, nine?"

"First off, we've only been _officially_ dating for a week. And we haven't even gone out on something that could constitute as a normal date yet anyway... Secondly..." She sighed. "I don't do this often. So I don't mind taking things slow."

"I can understand that, I guess... I just..." Penny paused, reaching over to take a shirt off one of the hangers as she considered how to approach her next question. "Hank?"

"Yes, Penny?" Hank was staring at the dress on the hook in front of her, not really wanting to put it on, but knowing she should.

"Why Sheldon?"

The tone of her friend's voice made her chuckle. "What, you want a list or something?"

"Just give me your top five reasons."

"I'll give you five, but they're in no particular order." Hank smiled. "He's tall. Like a pretty, blue-eyed mountain I'm going to climb one day."

The imagery made Penny halt in buttoning the blouse.

"He's like an onion, you know? He's got all these layers to discover. I don't want to change him, I just want to peel him apart.. see what's hidden underneath."

"Okay... So he's a vegetable and a pile of rocks..."

"And he's funny! Oh my God, does he make me laugh. I know he doesn't always mean to, but his habit of taking things so literally, I can't help it." As she spoke she continued undressing, laying her jeans across the small bench in the dressing room before turning to remove the dress from its hanger. "I kind of love his ego too. I know it can make him come off as a jerk sometimes-"

"Sometimes?"

"Okay, most of the time, but self confidence is hot. I like that he isn't afraid to be exactly who he is, and he's proud of that person." She continued speaking as she pulled the dress over her head, smoothing it out across her figure as the fabric fell into place. "Four kind of ties in with my fifth reason, which might be my favorite."

Penny was now donning the skirt she had picked out to go with the blouse, pulling it up over her hips as she spoke. "Which is?"

"He has magnificent candor. You know with Sheldon that he's going to be honest in his opinions and even though they're more often negative than positive, it makes those compliments and praises all the more special because you know they're genuine."

"Wow," Penny replied. It was funny how hearing someone else say it could put one's view of someone in perspective.

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"Lets here your top five favorite Leonardisms."

"Oh," Penny said, still caught up on Hank's somewhat enlightening explanation of Sheldon. "Well... He's nice..."

Hank had a point, Penny's subconscious pointed out. Sheldon did have very pretty blue eyes. Why had she never noticed that before? And he was definitely tall- taller than most of her ex-boyfriends (and definitely her current), though not as wide... And she did find herself going to Sheldon for advise before anyone else, because when she did good he was always quick to tell her.

"Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"He's nice and?"

Still caught up in her thoughts, Penny spoke without really considering the topic. "He's generous to a fault, in the most humble way because he doesn't even realize the kindness he's doing." She remembered how easily he loaned her money, without a care for giving it back. "He makes me feel like I could do just about anything I put my mind to, even though I'm not as smart as him or his friends..." Like with the Penny Blossoms experiment, how quickly he offered his help and encouraged her in her efforts. "And yet he challenges me to better myself, because he seems to genuinely believe there's more to me."

Penny paused, smiling to herself. "He's willing to show me his weaknesses because he trusts me enough not to take advantage of him when he's feeling less than perfect. And he's genuinely grateful for the little kindnesses, even though sometimes it seems like he expects them."

Hank opened up her dressing room to step out into the hall. "It sounds like you and Leonard have something really special," she said with a smile.

"Leonard?" Penny asked as the other girl's voice brought her back to the present. She opened up her own door, giving a weak smile back. "Yeah, I think so."

How could she possibly tell Hank that she was talking about Sheldon? How could she come to terms with the fact that she felt more for him than she ever would with her own boyfriend. As the two girls walked out of the dressing area to show off their ensemble choices she had to wonder how she could have possibly gotten herself into this predicament....

And what the fuck was she supposed to do about it now?

* * *

It was Tuesday afternoon, December 1st, and Hank couldn't help but wonder where the time had gone. It seemed like only yesterday she'd just moved to Pasadena, and now here she was, almost three months later with some new friends, and even a boyfriend.

She'd been gone all weekend. Her editor had flown her back to New York for an interview with one of those late night talk show hosts, and then Monday she'd sat down with her publishing company to review the schedule for her latest book. Her spare key had been left with Sheldon and Leonard, just in case, and Penny had driven her car back from the airport. It was cheaper that way, even though she'd had to take a cab home.

It had become such a nice, comfortable environment that Hank had become a little lax in her work, spending more time with her new compatriots than she did working (except when it came to the research aspect). Her editor was quite disappointed that she'd had nothing but notes of scientific babble to show them, and she had promised to show them something more substantial within a few weeks. And so she was looking forward to curling up in her desk chair and devoting more time to dialogue, character development, and actual plot for the next several days.

Or, at least she would have been if someone hadn't gone into her apartment while she was in New York and completely reorganized her desk.

Dropping her bag by the door Hank quickly moved over to her work station, opening the tiny cabinets and drawers that were attached to the desk- noting little labels on everything and the meticulous pattern which could only have been done by one person.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

The residents on the third floor probably didn't appreciate the stomping movements that Hank made as she moved from 4C to 4A but she wasn't in the mood to care. She pounded on the door with a heavy fist.

"SHELDON LEE COOPER, YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

It was Leonard who answered the door, quickly moving out of the way as the tiny brunette stormed inside. Penny, who was seated on the couch, started to say hi but quickly stopped herself when she saw the expression on her friend's face.

"Where is he? Where is that anal bastard? SHELDON!" Hank called down the hall toward his room.

Leonard glanced at Penny, his eyes wide as she shrugged back at him in silent answer to his unspoken question. "Hank, he's not here- his sister-"

"That coward. Stupid son of a bitch," she mumbled in her rage, her hurried steps making their way to Sheldon's desk. Picking up the first writing utensil she could find, she moved to the whiteboard to the right of his desk and started drawing on it.

"Um, Hank. That's a per-" Leonard quieted when Hank turned a scathing glare his way. "Manent marker," he mumbled the rest of his sentence under his breath.

Penny stood and moved over to stand next to Leonard, watching Hank work with unabashed curiosity. She didn't know what Sheldon had done, but knowing her own experience with the absent physicist, she couldn't blame Hank for reacting. There was only so much one could take without retaliation, unless, of course, you were his cowardly roommate.

And when Hank stepped back, revealing the finished product, Penny couldn't help but smile. Even Leonard cracked a grin, albeit a very small one. A crude drawing of a hand flipping the bird was now covering what had been a formula for the Enterprise outmaneuvering a Romulan ship.

Feeling slightly better, Hank threw the marker back on Sheldon's desk and turned to leave, just as he walked in the door, Missy following behind him. He didn't notice any changes at first.

"Hank, good. This is my sis-"

Shaking her head, Hank quickly interrupted him. "No. You don't get to play nice with me, you sneaky bastard." She approached him, jabbing a finger to his chest. "You don't fuck with a writer's work station, you hear me?" Without waiting for a reply, she turned her attention to Missy, giving her a weak smile. "Hi, sorry."

And then she was gone.

"Oh Shelly, you certainly know how to dig those holes, don't you?" Missy shook her head. "What did you do this time?"

"I merely-" He paused, mid sentence, finally spotting Hank's handiwork. He made a sound that was a cross between a gasp and possibly a squeal of outrage, and made his way over to the whiteboard to erase it.

Missy followed behind him, moving to stand with Penny and Leonard as she watched her twin scrub frantically at the ink that wouldn't fade. She exchanged a smile with the blonde standing next to her before speaking to her brother. "You're going to have to apologize to that girl."

Sheldon stopped scrubbing to give his sister an indignant look. "Excuse me? She vandalizes my work and you expect me to apologize to her?"

"Knowing you, she was probably justified."

"Thank you, Missy. I did so miss your canny observations on my behavior and those around me." He paused. "THAT was sarcasm."

Missy snorted and turned her questioning to Penny. "Was that Shelly's girlfriend?"

Penny nodded. "And knowing Hank, you'd probably be a big help right now. Let's go get her and grab a drink, yes?"

"Sounds great." Missy gave her brother one last look. "I'm going to assess the situation and when I get back you are going to fix this. I am NOT going home to tell mom that you already blew it with the one girl who seems willing to put up with you."

* * *

"He didn't know." A hiccup.

"He didn't ask."

"Still- he probably thought he was doing me a- hic- a favor." Hank was sitting at her desk, several folders open in front of her. "Damnit, where did he put that- Ooh, colored tabs." She flipped through a folder, a look of admiration mixed with distaste crossing her features.

From the sofa Missy sat down her glass of wine on the coffee table. "Listen, Hank. I know my brother. He thinks I don't, but I've been known to surprise him from time to time. And this, this is pure arrogance on his part. He thinks he can just control people, that his way is the only way. He doesn't take anyone else's feelings into consideration when he does stuff like this."

Penny, who was curled up on the opposite end of the sofa in an intoxicated ball, spoke up. "Not true!"

With another hiccup, Hank added, "I do like colored tabbies."

Missy sighed, retrieving her glass to drain it's contents. "Then why were you upset with him?"

"Because!" She gestured at her desk. "Look at this! I don't know where anything is! I had the.. the.. hic Receipt thing, from the one store, that I scribbled some dialogue on. And it was sitting next to a piece of notebook paper that described the atmospheric conditions of the... um..." She furrowed her brow. "Ice planet that they were going to be on when that line came up... Not-Hoth... I forget what I was going to call it." She waved an arm, brushing the thought away as she turned back to Missy. "And they were near the article on winter fashions that I tore out from Vogue. Where is it? How am I supposed to reconnect my scattered thoughts if they're put in separate folders labeled "Magazine Clippings" and "Location Descriptions"... Hmm." She paused, considering the logic before shaking her head. "I can't work like this! Hic."

Penny snorted. "You're drunk."

"Sides the point, Penny."

She giggled in response. "Is it?"

Missy looked at them both for a moment, rolling her eyes as she carried her now empty glass into Hank's kitchen. "Well, what do you want to do?"

Hank frowned. On the one hand she felt uncomfortable with the orderliness to her workspace, the lack of connection between things that she felt were pertinent to one another. But on the other hand, the little flag post-it notes with Sheldon's intricate handwriting were a nice touch, and it wasn't really his fault that she was feeling pressured to complete her work.

Perhaps she had overreacted, as Penny said. And maybe Missy was right- Sheldon's friends rarely overreacted at him, and it made him think he could just interfere without regard for anyone else.

So what was she going to do?

"Penny," she said after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"Will you go next door and get me that whiteboard?"

Penny sat up, rubbing an eye with her palm. "Wha... Why?"

"Please, Penny?"

The blonde sighed. "Oh alright." She left to go to 4A, and Missy inclined her head as she watched Hank pull her own whiteboard down from the wall with a sigh.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, repeating her earlier question.

"Try to fix it." She stared down at the board, which was covered in doodles and notes that went as far back as 2005. She reached for her phone, snapping a few pictures of the board with the camera feature before she picked up the eraser with a sigh. "Goodbye, memories."

It took her a good few minutes to get the board wiped clean. Some of the oldest marks were quite determined to stay on, and it was only after she scribbled over them, erased, and then repeated these steps several times that the board became completely white again. She had just finished when Penny reentered the apartment, whiteboard in hand.

"Thank you, just set it here, please," Hank said, pointing to a spot by her own whiteboard.

Realizing what her friend intended, Penny asked, "Do you really think you can recreate this... science mumbo-jumbo?"

"Well, I'm going to try. It's all copy/paste anyway, just.. by hand."

Missy walked around to stand on the other side of Hank, watching as the smallest girl in the room began painstakingly following the steps that it seemed Sheldon had taken on the original board. "You're a nice girl," she said with a smile.

Hank glanced back at her. "Nah. I just really like your brother."

Missy might have shaken her head at that response but the other third of the remaining females in the room could understand why Hank felt that way.

* * *

"What are you doing?!"

Hank didn't even glance back at Missy, nor did she remark on her lack of waiting for an invite before entering after she had knocked. "I'm watching _Mrs Winterbourne _and not working, what does it look like I'm doing?"

Walking over to sit next to Hank on the couch, Missy glanced at the movie then back at her brother's girlfriend. "I thought you were going to go apologize to Sheldon."

The response was a curled lip before Hank ignored the question entirely in favor of quoting dialogue from the movie. "'_I taught my boys the tango so they could woo all the women. She is a women. Woo her!_' I changed my mind."

"But last night-"

"Last night I was drunk and in no condition to work anyway. Today I woke up, had a cup of coffee, tried to find a scene I had been working on last week and spent ten minutes distracted by color-coded folders and hilighters." She paused, pulling a package from the table next to the sofa to show them to Missy. "Did you know they come in ten different colors now? And that's not including the different shades from other companies."

Missy smiled. "So you're not apologizing to Sheldon because he bought you hilighters?"

"No," Hank replied with a sigh as she set the hilighters back on the table. "I'll apologize later. I'm just- Ooh, hold, I like this part."

Both girls sat back and watched as Brendan Frasier and Ricki Lake traded kisses for a few moments, until the scene ended with Shirley MacLaine assuring him that his dead twin brother would want him to be happy with his supposed widow.

"Are you drunk now?"

Hank laughed. "No, I'm just annoyed. Annoyed that I let myself get so comfortable here..." She paused the movie and turned to face Missy, biting her lower lip briefly before speaking again. "I don't have many close friends, and the few that I have live in various parts of the world so they don't come knocking on my door asking me to watch Battlestar with them, or to play old school Mario or join them for Thai food." She sighed. "I've gotten so comfortable with everything here, seeing people on a regular basis, that I've let myself get a little lax in my work and I know- I KNOW that's my own fault. So when I met with the publishing company on Monday I told myself I was going to come back here and spend a week with no distractions, no Halo Night, no Anything-Can-Happen-Thursday, just me and my desk and a big pot of coffee."

While she couldn't relate Missy did understand and she smiled. "Then Shelly comes along and messes up your little corner of the universe."

"Yes!" she said, smiling back. "And I was thinking to myself- if I hadn't bothered to flirt with him in the laundry room that one day I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with."

"Would you really want to take it back, though?"

She shook her head. "Not at all. Except... Well, maybe my desk. I liked my chaos."

"You'll get it back. Or you'll use that marker on Shelly's face next time."

Hank laughed. "Probably." She stood. "Come on, lets go visit Dr Cooper."

Missy led the way back to 4A and Hank paused to pick up the whiteboard she had attempted to redo the night before. The other Cooper gave a quick rap on the door with her knuckles before walking right in.

"Missy, how many times do I have to tell you just because you knock first doesn't mean you're automatically invited in?" Sheldon gave his sister an annoyed look, which he then turned on Hank who had followed in behind her. "Especially when you bring unwanted guests with you."

"Hush, Shelly, Hank has something to say and you're going to listen."

Hank gave a weak smile to Missy as she walked further into the apartment, whiteboard in her hand still facing the front door. "I overreacted," she began.

"Yes you did."

She had to bite her lip to keep from retorting back to Sheldon's quick interjection. "I'm sorry."

"Well," Sheldon replied, appearing to give her words some thought until he caught Missy's eye from behind Hank. "Oh alright, I'm sorry too. Apparently despite my best efforts, it is inappropriate to enter one's home without their permission and create a sense of order and logic into their lives."

Both girls rolled their eyes at the forced apology, which in the end didn't really sound like one at all, but it seemed that Hank would take it anyway. "Here, I brought you a peace offering." She flipped the board around to show it to him.

Sheldon stood, taking the board from her and examining it. "How did you get the marker off? I Googled it last night and couldn't find anything helpful."

"I didn't. I just copied over your work." She paused, leaning over him to point at a blank spot. "See this? I wasn't sure if it was a 2 or 3 underneath the black so I left it for you to fill in."

Surprised, Sheldon looked at Hank then back at the board, squinting at the details of the work before looking back up at the to the tiny girl standing next to him. "I feel like I should be concerned over your skills at forgery."

Hank smiled. "Don't worry, I've never seen your signature."

Missy had moved over to perch on the right side of the couch and was now chuckling at her brother's expression. "Alright you two, kiss and make up so I can tell mom you found a real girl, and one who can keep up with you, too."

Sheldon turned his wide-eyed expression to his sister. He had no intention of giving their first kiss, or any of their kisses for that matter, in front of Missy. He was about to tell her such when Hank stood on tiptoes and lightly pecked his cheek.

"Close enough," Missy conceded with a smile, knowing that was the best she was likely to get from Sheldon.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a week since the fight and the make-up. Hank had to admit that saying good-bye to Missy had been hard. Sheldon's sister had been a delight, especially when she and Penny had made a girl's night of it with the "normal" Cooper and got all dolled up. Other than publicity stunts she rarely put on a dress, so it was kind of nice to play it pretty for a night, even if she did trip several times in those heels.

When Missy left on Friday everyone seemed to be upset, though they all did their best to ignore Howard, who tried to swoop in on the girl's group hug. Phone numbers, emails, and Facebook names were exchanged, and Missy encouraged Hank to let her know when she needed help with her brother.

Saturday night Leonard had convinced (after much persuasion by Hank) Sheldon to take his new girlfriend on a "real" date, so they ended up seeing a midnight revival showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at one of the local theaters. Unfortunately no one could convince Sheldon to dress up as Frankenfurter (or anyone else for that matter), but the evening went surprisingly well considering the amount of audience participation involved in the show.

Hank supposed the drive home could have been better, since she had to listen to every nuance of what was wrong in the film, the audience delivery, and the costuming- but again, considering the choice of movie and her date she was still pleased by the experience. And it had ended with a mutual hug, a surprising step up for the neurotic Dr Cooper.

But all of this could not compare to the anticipation Hank was feeling over Penny's call back on Monday. The first two auditions had gone really well, and now it was down to Penny and three other girls for the part Hank had suggested to her friend. She was sitting in 4A with all four of the boys on that evening, having convinced them to help her level up her Human Warlock character by going through multiple levels of The Scarlet Monastery™.

Her heart wasn't in it, though. Sure, she really wanted the Necrotic Wand™, but every few minutes her eyes moved to the door as she waited expectantly for Penny to walk in.

"Hank, behind you!"

"Oh, fuck!" she swore as she died once again.

Sheldon looked up, giving her one of his disapproving gazes. "We only did this dungeon at your insistence. If you do not want to be here I propose you switch over to your tank and we head to Gruul's Lair™. I am still trying to get the Axe of the Gronn Lords™."

"No, it's not that, I just-" She stopped as the door opened and a dejected looking Penny came through it. Moving her laptop over to the table, Hank stood, at once feeling gloomy.

"Oh, Penny, I'm so-"

Before she could complete her sentence Penny looked up at Hank with one of the brightest smiles anyone of the occupants of the room had ever seen. "And that's why I got the part!" she said, pointing at Hank.

It was all Hank could do to keep her own excitement in check, which she pretty much failed at. She bounced over to Penny, nearly knocking Leonard's laptop off his lap in her hurry to get around the coffee table. "Oh my God, you got the part?!"

"I got the part!"

"You got the part!"

Penny and Hank celebrated by hugging each other and jumping up and down in a circle, collectively making squeeing noises.

From his perch on the chair near Sheldon, Howard gave a sigh of contentment. "Someone pinch me, I think I've died and gone to heaven."

Raj and Leonard smiled at both the show and Howard's comment, and even Sheldon couldn't help the slight upturn to his mouth at the amount of joy exuding from the two women in the room. Leaning over, Raj whispered in Leonard's ear.

Leonard shrugged. "I don't know, but I guess Penny got the part?"

After a moment the two girls calmed and turned to face the boys, though from the beaming expressions on their faces it seemed as though at any moment they might regress to squealing once more.

"So," Penny began, wrapping an arm around Hank's shoulders as she spoke. "As you all know, our darling Hank here is making a movie."

"I'm not making a movie, I just-"

"Yes, yes," Penny interrupted, before Hank pulled a Sheldon and started analyzing her sentence to death. "Anyway, there was a role available, so she got me an audition, and the casting director loved me and I got the part! Twenty-seven lines of dialogue and a kiss with that hunky male lead they got!"

"Oh, please tell me they went with Gerard Butler," Hank muttered.

"No, I think they asked that one guy... The other one from PS I Love You."

"Sam & Dean's dad? Oh, that's okay then."

Before Hank could go off into her own world of casting dreams the four present males in the room brought the attention back to them.

"So you're going to be in a movie?" Howard asked, noting that Leonard had got suspiciously quiet.

"I'm going to be in a movie!" Penny squealed.

"Congratulations!" Howard replied, while Raj gave her a pair of thumbs up and one of his engaging smiles.

Even Sheldon smiled. "I believe this is one of those times where celebration would be appropriate."

"I agree," Hank said, giving Penny a quick side hug. "Lets all go out. Drinks on me!"

Before Sheldon could protest Penny stopped him. "Not tonight, sweetie. Tonight there are no rules, no schedules. You are not taking this away from me. We're celebrating, and even if you just have a Virgin Cuba Libre, you're coming."

And even though it went against everything in his universe, there was a surprising thought in his mind that he didn't want to take this away from Penny. So Sheldon gave her a nod, and turned his attention back to the computer so he could direct his avatar to an appropriate resting town.

Hank smiled at Raj, who seemed to be considering what this meant. "That's right, Raj-Podge. Even you get to speak tonight." She finished with a wink.

He gave a shy smile back at her, a slight pink to his cheeks as he gathered his own own computer gear together to put back in its case.

The girls excused themselves to go change and get ready to go out, while the boys signed themselves out of the game and did what little preparation they needed to leave. It was only Leonard, who had been quiet since Penny revealed her news, that seemed unaffected by the good cheer that had passed throughout the apartment.

* * *

At first it seemed that everything was going great. When they first got to the circular table at the bar everyone waited for Sheldon to pick a spot, then they all positioned themselves around him. Penny on his left, Hank on his right. Leonard sat down on Penny's other side while Raj took the empty seat next to Hank and Howard settled himself in the remaining chair between Leonard and Raj.

The drinks were ordered and served, the waitress rolling her eyes at Sheldon's specifications, though she couldn't help but smile when the pretty blonde leaned over and whispered that she could make his drink a little slutty and she wouldn't tell on her.

Howard asked about the role, and Penny talked about the scenes she would be in and the three costumes she would be wearing. Hank added in her own details about what would happen, things the casting director hadn't discussed but were still in the works as far as sets and slight dialogue changes.

"And, they said that Ewan McGregor had signed on to play my brother, isn't that awesome?"

"Isn't he the new Obi-Wan?" Raj asked as he sipped on his grasshopper.

"We don't talk about those movies," Sheldon added.

Hank smiled. "You know, that character is based off of Charlie- my cousin's boyfriend."

"The cute one from Thanksgiving?" Penny asked, leaning around Sheldon.

"That's the one!" she replied as she stood. "Excuse me, I'm going to find the ladies."

"Okay, that is it," Leonard said as Hank walked away, speaking up for the first time all evening. "You can't do this movie."

Penny's smile froze as she turned to face her boyfriend. "I beg your pardon?" she asked in a tone that clearly belied her expression.

Despite wincing at her tone he stood his ground, setting his drink on the table. "You can't do this movie, it's not right."

Her own drink was set none too quietly on the table. Next to her, Sheldon winced, though no one noticed. "And just what, exactly, is not right about it?"

"You should be getting parts on your own, not having them handed to you by your friends."

She took a deep breath. "You did not just say that."

"I did. Don't you think you'll feel more accomplished if you get the part on your own?"

Raj and Howard quickly turned their attention elsewhere, realizing that statement would not end well. Sheldon pursed his lips.

"Maybe if you were listening you would know that I did get the part on my own. No one auditioned for me, no one held my hand or went with me while I waited in line with hundreds of other blond women to get the opportunity to read a few lines." She shook her head at him. "The fact that you would even suggest that- who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I'm just your boyfriend. Or did you conveniently forget that fact when you started making plans to kiss hot male leads or flirt with Hank's cousins?"

"First off, it's a movie. Actors kiss in movies. Do you think that all those women were really dating William Shatner when he was going all Kirk on them? Or that chick who played Lois Lane didn't have a husband while she was in Superman's arms? COME ON. Just because I kiss someone in a movie doesn't mean I can't have a boyfriend to come home to." She scoffed at him. "Secondly, he wasn't Hank's cousin, I wasn't flirting with him, and he's GAY. Or are you so insecure that you can't even deal with me finding a gay man attractive?"

Leonard shook his head. "You're missing the point entirely."

"Oh really?" Penny shot back. "What is the point, oh wise one?"

He glared back at her tone. "You're my girlfriend-"

She quickly cut him off. "That's right, Leonard. I'm your girlfriend. I don't think you understand the meaning of that word. I'm not your possession, or your trophy. I'm not one of your stupid little toys that you keep in the original packaging and bring out to mock your friends with every once in a while before hiding away again." She picked up her glass and quickly drained the remaining contents before slamming it down on the table again. It was then that she noticed the spot next to her was now empty. "Where did Sheldon go?"

"Figures," Leonard said with a frown. "You care more about my roommate than you do about our conversation."

"This isn't a conversation, this is lunacy." Penny stood, glaring back at Leonard as she shook her head yet again. "You know, for someone who's supposed to be a genius you sure are a fucking dumbass sometimes." She grabbed her purse and turned to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find Sheldon, before he gets accosted by some mugger and shot for lecturing them on their skills at armed robbery." And with that she stormed out of the bar.

Pulling out his wallet, Leonard threw a couple of bills on the table before standing to leave as well.

Howard glanced at him. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going for a walk. This is completely ridiculous." And with that he followed Penny's angry steps out.

With a sigh Howard stood, and repeated Leonard's motions. "Someone should go talk to him," he said by way of explanation to Raj as he, too, followed the trail out of the bar.

Raj shrugged his shoulders and went back to sipping his drink as Hank walked back to the table. As she reclaimed her spot next to Raj, she picked up her glass and looked around before turning her confused expression to him. "Where did everybody go?"

Before he could respond the waitress arrived with another grasshopper. "Thank you, lovely," he said to her as he polished off the first drink and moved onto the second. "Everyone left," he said in response to Hank's question.

Hank frowned, leaning forward to rest her elbow on the table and prop cheek in the palm of her hand. "Was it something I said?"

"Only if your name is Leonard and you're a complete idiot when it comes to women."

She might have responded to that comment if Raj hadn't leaned forward and put a hand on her arm. "Hank, I don't want Lucky to be with Elizabeth."

"What?" she replied, not really believing what she was hearing.

"He deserves so much better. She's such a slut, sleeping with his brother." He shook his head, sipping at his drink. "Why can't Luke break his own rule and just TELL Lucky what he saw. All these veiled hints are driving me crazy."

Hank stared at Raj. After a moment of silence he glanced up and saw her look. "What?"

"Raj... You watch General Hospital."

He scoffed. "Well, I would if my cable box was working properly. I've missed the last three episodes."

Hank grinned, opened her purse to leave several large bills on the table to cover the finished and unfinished drinks, and then stood. "Come on," she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him up from the table.

"Where are we going?"

"You're looking at the girl that has the last three episodes recorded on her DVR." She grinned at him.

"You'll keep my secret?" he asked as they walked out of the bar.

"On one condition, Raj-Podge."

"What's that?"

"You have to tell me what happened while I was in the bathroom."

"Oh that," Raj began as they headed to Hank's car. "You'd think with all that drama we'd be on an episode of GH."

* * *

"Hey Penny."

"Hi Stuart," Penny replied with a weak smile. "I'm looking for-" she halted her sentence, spotting Sheldon near the back, facing a wall of comics. "Nevermind." She gave the shopkeeper a little wave and made her way over to her friend.

Though he sensed her approach Sheldon continued to flip through the graphic novel in his hand, pretending to ignore her.

"Hi Sheldon," she said softly, placing a hand on his arm.

He tensed. "Have you and Leonard ceased your delusional attempts at a real relationship?"

Pulling her hand back she opened her mouth to give a scathing retort but stopped before speaking. If Penny were honest with herself she would admit that there was a lot of truth to Sheldon's statement, and he wasn't saying it vindictively, he was just being Sheldon. "I don't know," she finally said. "Probably."

"And how will this affect the friendship paradigm?" he replied, still not looking at her.

"What?"

"Is there going to be an awkwardness so palpable that people will want to leave every time you two are in a room together?" He closed the book in his hand and turned his expression to her. "Should I expect frequent repeats of tonight's performance?"

Penny shook her head. "I can't answer that question, sweetie. Do I want it to be that way- no. But I can't guarantee things won't happen." A beat. "Sheldon, I promise that no matter what you are my friend and I'll try my best to make sure you're never uncomfortable around me."

Whether or not she would always be comfortable around him was a different story.

"I suppose," he said after a moment, "That a schedule could be created to spend time with both you and Leonard on separate days. Perhaps a weekly plan, or it could be organized on a day to day basis."

"Let's cross that bridge when we come to it, sweetie," she replied with a sigh.

Sheldon stared at her for a moment, pursing his lips together. "Penny."

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to be alright?"

With a small smile, Penny leaned into Sheldon for a half hug. He seemed reluctant at first but hesitantly he put one arm around her shoulders and patted her as if to say there, there.

"Sure I am," she said with a sadness in her voice.

Sheldon remained quiet, letting her lean against him. He couldn't help but wonder why she seemed so sad over a relationship she never seemed to want to be a part of, and Penny was thinking that what hurt the most was how much she missed her good friend Leonard ever since they had started dating.

* * *

"What are you going to do?" Howard asked Leonard as they walked down Euclid Avenue. He was shivering in his sports coat, which was more conducive for style than warmth, though he didn't dare ask his friend if they could go back.

Leonard shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I don't know. I guess this was to be expected."

"What was?"

"The end. Sheldon's pretty much been saying it every week since Penny and I started dating... This relationship was doomed to failure."

"So you're just going to give up?" Howard asked as he rubbed vigourously at his arms for warmth.

"I'm not giving up!" He sighed. "This whole thing- I think it was a mistake."

"How can dating someone as hot as Penny be a mistake?"

Leonard pursed his lips together, finding it tough to say something that he couldn't even admit to his girlfriend. There was a moment of silence and an expectant look from the engineer before he finally got the words out. "Penny's great. She is. And Sheldon had some valid points about why she is a good girlfriend... In general. But I'm starting to realize..." Starting to admit his conscience interjected. "We both try to be other people when we're together."

"So?"

"So... Shouldn't we all be with someone we can just be ourselves with? Isn't that the basis of a good relationship?"

Howard scoffed. "Like you would know about a good relationship."

"Thanks, Howard." Leonard replied, his voice thick with sarcasm. He gave another sigh. "However, I think I know enough about bad relationships to know that this is one of them."

Pausing in his steps, Howard forced Leonard to stop with him and turned to face his friend, giving him a serious look. He had tried to be on the physicist's side, but now he was forced to ask- "If you really feel that way why were you so angry back at the bar?"

"You think I like admitting this? Do you really think I want to be in a bad relationship? For years I've been so positive that Penny and I were a sure thing. That if we could be together... that it would be epic, the stuff of dreams. I get angry that she doesn't feel the same way- that she can sit there and talk about these hot actors she's going to kiss, and random other guys who are so much more attractive than her boyfriend."

Howard decided not to mention that Leonard had never had a problem admiring an attractive woman, despite his anger over Penny doing the same thing with other men.

"I guess the more these conversations come up, the more it makes me realize that I wasted nearly three years pining over a bad relationship," Leonard continued. "And now I've probably lost a good friend, too."

"Maybe not. Have you considered that if you told all of this to Penny that you two might be able to go back to just being friends?"

"Even though I know we're not good for each other... I don't know if I could watch Penny go out and date someone else."

"Yeah, about that-"

"No, Howard."

"Right... Bro's before ho's," Howard replied with a sigh of his own.


End file.
